Lab Journal

Lab Journal Entry, Feb. 5, 2013:

After successful trials with a dead cat, I decided to proceed with testing my teleportation pods on a live human…me! I’m now thinking there are still a few kinks in the system, though, one being that it won’t transmit bone, as made obvious by the grinning skull I can see through the portal across the lab.

Lab Journal Entry, Jan. 31, 2013:

Sorting medical waste into edible and inedible piles. Called away for a few moments and returned to find Toby, my faithful lab dog, nearly finished eating both stacks. Bad Toby!

Lab Journal Entry, Jan. 29, 2013:

Was bitten by a radioactive earthworm that had escaped from it’s cage this morning. Beginning to feel feverish, wondering what kind of super hero I will become. Whatever super powers I attain I doubt speed will be one of them.

Lab Journal Entry, Jan. 29, 2013:

During one of my more inspired moments I inadvertently ripped the fabric of space/time. After a brief panic, I followed the instructions on how to fix a loose thread on a knit sweater from the Martha Stewart web site. Normality has returned.

Lab Journal Entry, Jan 28, 2013:

I invented the internet today. Not sure what it’s good for, though.

Lab Journal Entry, Jan 28, 2013:

Looking for volunteers to experiment with oxygen deprivation. Last group of test subjects remain unresponsive.

Lab Journal Entry, Jan 27, 2013:

Just finished my 12th cup of espresso. Except for the profuse sweating and shaking, the overhead lights flickering as though I have entered a temporal shift, and the fact that I am certain I can safely glide to the ground from my 4th floor balcony, I feel completely unaltered.

Lab Journal Entry, Jan. 25, 2013:

After trials using all available brands of pasta sauce to be found at the local market, I still can’t get the subjects to eat styrofoam packing noodles. There must be a flaw in my hypothesis.


About cynicasm

A gourmet blend of cynicism and sarcasm. Reflections on the absurdities of life the pessimists wallow in, optimists ignore, and realists recognize. View all posts by cynicasm

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