Monthly Archives: January 2012

Lay Flat To Dry? I Don’t Think So

Being in charge of managing household duties I’ve decided it is easier to go clothes shopping with my wife to try to prevent delicate care items from coming home than it is to sort laundry into infinite groups of less than three articles each that require unique handling, after donning my reading glasses and searching every seam for that “care and handling” tag spitefully hidden ┬áby the sweatshop seamstress. Dry clean only, my ass!


Relationship Advice For Men

Hey, guys. When you’re getting ready to go someplace nice with your girl or wife and after a brief expressionless stare she asks “are you going to wear that?” DO NOT argue. Just go change. Trust me, that is part of a successful relationship


Stay With Us

New rules for visiting family and friends: Bring your own bedding, buss your own tables, and we no longer accept personal checks. Oh, and if the guest room is cluttered with boxes of stuff and unfolded laundry that’s your problem.


Another random thought…

Named after a Roman goddess and associated with femininity, why does Venus rhyme with penis?


Useless Tool

For Christmas, my wife gave me a stud sensor to help me with handyman activities. The thing is pretty much worthless to me as it goes off whenever I get near it.

 

(the title of this post is self-referential)


Averting Suspicion

Serial killing is just too much work. Think about it: tracking the targets, hiding the bodies, scrubbing the crime scenes, lying to your family and friends (if you have any) and making small-talk with the convenience-store clerk to avert suspicion all take a great toll on a sensitive psychopath.


House Rules

We picked up a framed list of house rules at a craft show a few years back. I can’t attribute this to a specific person but I want to thank that person for providing concise clarity on how we should run our lives.

  1. If you open it, close it.
  2. If you turn it on, turn it off.
  3. If you unlock it, lock it.
  4. If you break it, repair it.
  5. If you can’t repair it, call in someone who can.
  6. If you borrow it, return it.
  7. If you use it, take care of it.
  8. If you make a mess, clean it up.
  9. If you move it, put it back.
  10. If it belongs to someone else and you want to use it, get permission.
  11. If you don’t know how to operate it, leave it alone.
  12. If it doesn’t concern you, don’t mess with it.

I intend to provide a few more rules in a following post that continues the focus on responsible behavior made clear by these simple rules.